The College Experience: An Abstract Goodbye to My Time as an Undergraduate
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
It feels almost unnatural to say goodbye to my time at the Herald without offering an overly complex reflection of my academic mortality. Yet my college experience has been a maze of contradictions and revelations, so I feel it’s almost natural to leave with a reflection that mirrors this journey.
As a child, I struggled to grasp the concept of college. Growing up in a small, isolated town under the strain of a single-parent household, college seemed like a far-off luxury, a concept reserved for those whose lives were filled with opportunity. Success, in my community, was often found outside the classroom. Education wasn’t a stepping stone; it was something you survived, something you did just to get by. College, then, was little more than a distant dream I hadn’t seriously entertained.
Eventually, high school ended, and the reality of adulthood loomed, heavy and unavoidable. In an attempt to delay it, I made the decision to go to college. It wasn’t born out of passion or purpose, but from a desire to put off the inevitable, and maybe, just maybe, to find something more meaningful in a world I didn’t understand. This ambivalence toward higher education has colored much of my experience as a student.
As a first-generation college student, the pressure of social immobility weighed heavily on me. I often found myself questioning my place within this academic environment. I couldn’t shake the sense that I was out of place. I was surprised to find that the college experience itself sometimes turned on me, as well. The assumptions others made about my background, about my “wealth,” were a constant source of friction. To some, the very act of attending college projected an image of arrogance, even though I had never felt anything but doubt. For them, being in college meant you had a certain level of success, something I hadn’t felt reflected.
It wasn’t just at the college that these social struggles played out. One summer, while working at a gas station, a customer lashed out at me after I took too long to ring up a drink. In an attempt to reassert his social dominance, he belittled me, insulted my intelligence, and mocked my position in life. He spoke of his degrees, trying to make a clear distinction between our social power. The two polarities of my social identity collided. Through it all, I have learned a crucial lesson. The individualized self must always outweigh the perceived self. No one can define us by the social stigmas they impose on us. It is through this journey of conflicting identities and external judgments that I found my footing as a student.
As I stand just two weeks away from graduation, I am no longer the anxious first-generation student who once wondered if I belonged in this world. I am a product of the very environment that I once feared would never accept me. This goodbye is not just a farewell to the Herald, but a goodbye to the person I was when I first arrived here. I cannot even begin to thank the numerous students, staff, and faculty at McMurry who made me feel welcome in this environment. It is through your compassion that I have found myself, and I am forever grateful for the kindness of those in my life.
I would also like to thank Juliana Fabrizio for all that she does for the War Hawk Herald. You are the unquoted hero for all of my articles, your patience and assiduous attitude have made my time as a writer unmatched in enjoyment.